5 Ways to Entertain Yourself at Work

Have you ever been bored at work? No… you haven’t? Really?  Well then…um some of us… screw it, you ruined my introduction. Here are 5 ways to entertain yourself at work.

#5 Make up stories

 A good way to stay sane during a typical work day is to, let’s face it, go a little nuts.  One method that I truly enjoy is to look into my co-workers cubicle and make up stories about some object they have  in their cubicle.  For instance, one of my co-workers has a family picture where they are all walking on the beach in Florida. Nothing special about that


…except the memories of course

However, if you add a little creativity to the picture you might pick up that they were stranded on an island after their cruise ship sank and all they could find was a camera to take a picture of the family in order to remember everyone just in case one of them had to be eaten so the others could survive.


“We all really miss Jimmy”

But say you don’t work in an office, how else could this apply to your job?  If you’re a cashier just look at all the shit people are buying and put the clues together.  You can pick up plenty of interesting tidbits about a person’s life this way.  Balloons and twisty ties equals drug mule.  KY jelly and cucumbers equals weirdo.  Disney movies and condoms equal Michael Jackson.  It’s that simple. Just choose something random about a person, ask why, throw out the obvious answer, and let your imagination go nuts.    

#4 Imagine Cute Meets  

 In the biz a “cute meet” is an encounter, preferably adorable, that happens between two main characters that brings them together in love, lust, and/or hilarity.  Like when two strangers grab the same tub of ice cream after each being dumped by the loves of their life.  Or say, you’re walking through the city and the contents of your purse spill out on the sidewalk and some handsome gentlemen helps you pick them up only to realize he’s picking up condoms (a la Mr. Big).  You feel awkward at first, but then he gives you that Mr. Big smile and you know everything’s going to be okay.  


“Are those condoms? Awesome!”

The same could apply to your work.  Maybe while walking by the cute office girl you drop the stack of papers you were carrying and hope she helps you.  And when she does help you, you have a funny story because you work in human resources and the stack of paper was a list of all the people about to the get fired and her name was on the top!  Now would be a good time to ask her out because I mean hey, at least YOU have a job.

Another cute meet could be rolling an orange over to the cute office girls cubicle and then following it in.  She might attempt to make the random occurrence of a rolling orange into her cubicle less awkward by saying something along the line as “Well you know, nothing rhymes with orange” to which you’ll respond, while gently taking the orange from her hand,  “Orange rhymes with door hinge – anything’s possible.”  Hell she might rip of her clothes and say “Take me” right there.  I know I would

 #3 Pretend You Work Somewhere Else

So you’re bored of doing your job?  Well my friend, while at your job why not pretend you work somewhere else.  You can be a waiter, a McDonald’s server, a doctor, a sea-captain, bull rider, Hercules or whatever you want.  Just remember to stay in character and never break character until the day is over.  If you’re going to be Hercules compare all your work with that of your twelve labors.  Say things throughout the day like, “This project is harder to end than a nine headed hydra!” or “It’s pretty cold outside, I wish I brought my Nemean Lion jacket.”  Sure maybe people will stop talking to you for a while, but hey you’re Hercules you can do whatever you want.


 Kevin Mother Fucking Sorbo


#2 Think of Ways to Zombie Proof the Office 

 Everyone has thought of what they would do if a zombie attack actually happened.  However, how many people have thought about what they would do if a zombie attack happened while they were at work?  To make this scenario more interesting let’s say zombies already surround your work place and you can’t escape.  How would you survive? 

 I work in an office building so I would fortify the windows/stairs/doors with the walls from the hundreds of cubicles available.  Using the cubicles, my co-workers and I could also make internal secondary defenses and living quarters.  The best weapon I’ve found so far besides my Cisco IP phone (it smashes real nice) is my letter opener.  The only way though I could really score a kill with my letter opener is through the eye which takes precision and is very dangerous close range.  Also, my work has a kitchen so I might be okay for some time (I know there are knives there but I’m thinking more readily available in my position), but let’s face it if a zombie attack happens and I’m at work I’m totally screwed.

 Think about where you work.  If you think you would be totally screwed if there was a zombie uprising then maybe you should make a Zombie Safety Plan for your work place.  Once you make your plan, give it to your boss.  Maybe you’ll get a raise for finally showing some initiative. 


 “…you’re fired”

And, also while you’re at it email it to me at mockincoi@gmail.com and I’ll post them while possible mocking you. 


#1 Actually doing your work. Lame.







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